Tonight is a night when I get lost on Wikipedia reading that Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick died in cancer at age 58 and I cry a little bit because she was such an awesome theorist and then I realize I am actually going to take a seminar with the other prolific affect theorist, Lauren Berlant, this spring, and I die a little death of happiness because of the excitement and the feeling in my gut that I’m closing in on a field that’s my own, that is expanding my mind and leaves me thinking that I wouldn’t wanna be in any other place, than where I am right now.
“Zuccotti Park wasn’t emptied by weather, or the insufficient commitment of protesters. It was cleared by pepper spray and tear gas. It was cleared by police and authority. It was cleared by a billionaire mayor from Wall Street and a request by one of America’s largest commercial real estate developers. It was cleared, in other words, in a way that will temporarily reinvigorate the protesters and give Occupy Wall Street the best possible chance to become whatever it will become next.”—Did Bloomberg do Occupy Wall Street a favor? (via synecdoche)
“Because it places me in a situation that activates the desires and aggressions generated by the split in my ego, therapy can guide me toward a confrontation with the basic truth of my existence: in analysis, I confront my fundamental lack of being, what Lacan elsewhere calls the manque-à-être (the want-to-be), the insatiable desire that is spurred, ultimately, by the fact of death.”—Here
When you go to the immigration interview they ask you if you need an interpreter. Answering no with pride and almost no accent doesn’t really matter inside the beige complex with America posters. You dont have to speak English to be part of this country, we’re all equal on paper.
We have an attorney there to speak for us. He wears a beige trench coat which goes perfectly with his golden curly hair and the hairpin-attached yamaka in it. Beige brown to the beige brown walls and chairs and image of the building, it all feels very cinematic. Like a set designer somehow beat us to it and made sure all the colors went together.
It’s not only the golden hair, the attorney’s skin is glowing and I’m thinking he must have been an actor in a previous life. It’s that 1990s shiny attractiveness, he would have been perfect as an extra in Twin Peaks or maybe even in a soft-core TV movie.
In the interview room we aren’t allowed to sit down at first. We have to put one hand on our hearts and hold the other one out, swear an oath and say ‘I do’. No matter the cheesiness of the whole enterprise, the rhetoric works on me, I would never dare to bend their rules. I think one has to have a death wish to do so.